Occupational Evolution

Why did I quit my job?

It had been quite the puzzle for me to figure out. How could I be doing the right thing at the wrong time or the wrong thing at the right time. The world seemed backwards and confusing. I had believed and gaslit myself into believing something was wrong with me. I went out to search for myself and “fix myself.” With the largest chuckle, I only found my “ego” and my love for myself to grow more and more. With the use of meditation, psychedelics, astrology and other spiritual mediums, I discovered there has never been anything “wrong” with me. I have had to learn a lot and I have not always been perfect, nor will I ever be. No one will. But the love I have for myself and my journey, should never be in vain nor demonized by those who are too insecure to understand it.

From the moment I entered my new position in a traumatic brain injury facility, I believed it would be a life changing moment. At first, I believed I was finally going to be discovered for my power, my gifts for the world. I am passionate about people and the urge to heal them. To transform them into their highest selves, which will ultimately change the world. I was constantly fought against from the moment I arrived. I noticed the unethical behaviors and the projected trauma of staff to clients and clients to staff. It was amazing how little majority of the management team there seemed to know how to guide these clients and themselves into a healed state. I fought the good fight at this facility for approx 3 months. Which to some it doesn’t seem like I tried long enough. However, for myself? It was just another 3 months added onto the 6 years of OT work I have experienced. I have jumped from job to job, facility to facility in search of my calling to heal. While I have learned for myself, just being me is enough to change the world. And yet, the setting of OT and the modern day healthcare world, was misaligned. It was the constant reminder of me pouring into the “wrong cup” at the “right time.”

I have a passion for fighting for the underdog, the misunderstood, the ones thrown away by society. The oppressed are only “toxic,” “evil” and “demonized” because they were met in a vulnerable stage of child development with projected trauma of their parents, family, friends, teachers and society. I truly believe each soul is incarnated with love, life and dreams. I believe the world has a vampyric force that will steal it away. Our society has failed in the teachings of parenting and what is means to stand in your energy and purpose. We are all broken mirrors cracking the surface to self destruction with every lash of a tongue and indoctrination of control for the greater good. The twist in it all, is the only way to achieve bliss or peace for the greater good is to achieve it within yourself. If everyone was filled with the confidence, humility and self love that I have learned to achieve in my lifetime, I believe we could have a balanced Utopia. This does not mean it will be perfect. As above, so below, The darkness is required to transmute the pain into happiness. We have lost our ability to alchemize our lives and achieve the nirvana within.

With all of this being said, I found that many do not care to heal. Especially in the healthcare system. Healthcare is for profit and it is not just so in America. I can see it patterning all across the globe. They always polish it with shiny words and false promises. They entrap others in a revolving door to be dizzy, distraught and lost. I became more angry and aggressive as I continued my path in the modern day healthcare world. I begged and pleaded with force to invoke a change. By the time I came to my most recent facility, I could no longer mask and play the game. I could no longer tolerate the small battles and change. My impatience grew into a monster of destruction. We are human beings, anyone in any facility is a human being. It is vital to individualize each person and their plan of care to give THEM what THEY need; not the projected imprinting of others in search for security and greed. As I had previously wrote my review of my old company to shine light on specific examples, this piece is to express the philosophical insights and deconditioning I believe is necessary to promote true change through destructive action; but not with intent to destroy, but to transform, like the Goddess Kali Ma or the Tower Tarot. It is time to rebuild ourselves, our beliefs and our conditioning. We all have been played to be fools by the system.

After countless meeting and preachings of passion within, I became aware that the good fight would never come to fruition the way I desired. I knew I needed to make an impact in a more dramatic fashion. People will argue it is not necessary. Others told me to keep quiet. Put my head down, make the income needed to EVENTUALLY do what I felt I needed. But to do it “smartly” and “cautiously.” This is where I uncovered my detachment and ability to cut off others. I would’ve made a drastic change if I only had me to worry about. I however, have a home with a spouse who I would go to the end of the world to protect. The disapproval of my family, peers and society weighed heavy on my soul. It had been for years. I had to break free of my fears, insecurities and projections of others.

I told my husband I couldn’t go to work. He was upset as we have not been financially stable enough this last year for me to do so. I found it to be a test. He was upset because he believed me to be making irrational decisions from a psychedelic meditation. I had to ignite the fire within and I raised my voice. No one else voice inside my head, my own. A voice that had been silenced for far too long. I said to him, “Either you’re my husband and you honor the commitment to love me under all circumstance and support me doing what I KNOW I need to do, or you can leave. I can no longer allow others fear to hold me back. I have always taken risks and I do not worry about the outcome. The only worry I have ever had is the worry others present to me at the sake of themselves. I am aware of the destruction my path leaves for others. I am not oblivious as you all choose to insult me to be. I am not airy, dreamy or dumb. I am the revolution. I will walk my walk and if you are too weak to stand by my side, I don’t need you here. You are here because I want you here. I need you to be strong and support me. I need you to believe in me as much as I believe in myself. And if you can’t? That is no longer my burden to carry.”

I had reached a point in willing to risk it all. I did not care what I had to lose. I have become worried over finances and all the survival, primordial fears we are fed. But I do not allow that to stop me. I acknowledge the suffering and redirect. I utilize my aquarian power of detachment and social revolution to drive me. I activate my radiant Leo Moon and cultivate a creative path to promote healing for all. I realized my power was in my voice and my words. I realized the impact they can make. I could either cross the threshold and jump into the abyss filled with trust to be caught by the dragon within, or I could repeat the pattern and knowingly participate in my own suffering. To become aware, is to face the dragon. It is not to slay the dragon. It is to embrace them. Integrate them. I found this energy to be the most misunderstood of all energies. Acceptance and love is the most powerful vessel for transmutation.

I could no longer sacrifice myself for money, for the fear of others. I could no longer martyr myself. I knew I was not happy and continued to do the exact experiences and actions that dimmed my light. Maybe it was because I found this world to be weak, pathetic and unworthy of my love; or maybe it was because the world knew how powerful I would become and the controlling forces above attempted to stifle me. Either way the story goes, it does not matter the why. All that matters is I stayed determined, I stood firm within myself, I may have stumbled and yet always rose again, more powerful than the time before. I paved my own way and I fought to the best of my ability the entire way. Honoring my moments of weakness. Resting and graciously releasing my sorrows. Pouring the intensity of my feelings into the world. I will no longer be engaging in occupations, experiences or people who do not desire a new world. I will hold the space for the lost and the broken. Be a savior of the dammed by loving them as they are. By seeing them as they are and continuing to give them love, inspiration and peace. By saying the hard, harsh teachings that need to be said. I will be the punching bag for your pain. I understand now that I am capable of doing so and I no longer have to carry the weight of it being my issue. I realized all interactions, no matter how big or small will leave an impact. I will leave a trail of breadcrumbs to my castle of evolution. We will become the highest versions of ourselves. I will destroy the forces that seek to keep us small. We will rise as I have risen myself. I realized I am meant to teach and continue to learn all the way to oblivion.

Life experience is our greatest teacher. Courses and mentors can be a beautiful tool. However, our society is built on indoctrination and giving your power away to be taught a one way thinking. Not to be empowered as you are in your authenticity. My vision is to create a world safe for all to be themselves and transform into their highest self for themselves. I relieve all guilt and shame to do anything for anyone else other than yourself. Trusting that you are enough and what you feel intuitively within you, will always be the “right” course of action. You may question and worry about the outcomes. All outcomes, even negative are mirrors. The negative reactions are tests for you to remain in yourself or for you to learn and grow for yourself. Not to hold onto and carry and nurture. Or else you allow them to turn you into the monster of their creation. Be like Lucifer. Cultivate your own path. Let them destroy your reputation. Those who understand you will remain. The ones who do not, are a simple misalignment or lesson, let them go as needed.