Gemini Lunar Memoirs: May 27th, 2025 - June 24th, 2025

Written below are personal daily logs of my insights throughout each day of this cycle. Written within my perspective as I see it and feel it within that moment day to day. Maintaining the initial work, without editing, to tell the tale of personal evolution and raw emotion as a Spiritual Explorer & Occult Scientist. These opinions, expressions and feelings are open to change and grow as I evolve throughout my journey. Intended to be a guide and anecdote for others to see how you may initiate or feel through your own personal journey. The truth of suffering, alchemy and love are delicately painted in hopes to initiate others, provide reassurance that the pain of such a path is worth every step and allow any wisdom to seep out into the world. Please enjoy!

May 27th, 2025- June 24th, 2025 Dark Moon Gemini - Waning Crescent Gemini

Blessed New Moon in Gemini Cycle. I started this cycle of writing with one line. The line of a dream and a realization of fear as I put myself out there to the world. A connection to the use of my voice and being present out there as a business, a brand, an artist and as a public figure of any sort being on social media. Expressing myself and sharing what I think. It is simply a fear of death. A Fear of being assassinated. I realize that I don’t care if I disagree with anyone. There is an annoyingly nonchalance to my way of being. Despite the passion I have for my beliefs or perspectives. No matter how intense I may be about what I think or my opinion. At the end of it all, when it comes to discussion of ideas or “holding space” for another person’s reality, I do not care. There is a dissociation or a detachment. An understanding of observation to listen. I have spent most of my life quiet, to an extent, and listening to others. Not too sure which voice was my own thought. But equally knowing this monologue far too well for it to not have always been there.. An uncanny introspection that I can recall back to about 3-4 yrs of age. I was born with an eerie-ness of nonchalance. Of floating through life and seeing how the people live. Only to absolutely loathe such an existence. Now in this life, I am still an observer, however, an observer who is no longer afraid to voice the processing of such experiences and observations of this life, the timeline, this society and this culture of humanity. It was an interesting act of courage to face that within myself. Within my ego. It is a truth that I could be murdered for my beliefs, my thoughts, theories, opinions and all of the above. People have killed for less. I feel a sense of radicalism within me. The same fear of ruffling the feathers of my mother. The same shame and outcasting of the tribe for acting out of order or wanting to be as I am. Interesting how innocent it all feels. How it all feels like innocence lost. Stolen. At every pivotal moment of my upbringing, my development and my life thus far. How at the end of it all, I am just asking to be left alone as I am. To be free enough to be strange and peculiar within my innocence. My dream to craft and create the beauty within me. To bring to life all of the visions that I see. To release the darkness. To touch every degree of the spectrum of living. I suppose, I am getting my wish through these moments of hardship. I am and have experienced the worst of it. I feel I have only dipped a toe into the suffering of humanity. And through that tap, I have absorbed the weight of it all. I only required a taste to know that it is poison and to experience any more than I already have would be the death of me. I know I am nothing and weak compared to those who have endured more than me. I cannot fathom it. My suffering is already more than I could bare. And to a good portion of the population I am nothing but a depressed, privileged white woman. Playing victim. That I have no sense of reality. Especially when my life has been a compilation. A teeter totter of highs and lows. The concoction of life I have witnessed is confusing. I understand the judgment of others and how weightless my voice can be to those who do not relate. I fear being unreliable and un-relatable. I dream for a better life for myself, but fear the ridicule of what follows such a rise. I fear my success. For I fear those who will hate me for it. 

I have to release the guilt of success. I know I have earned every moment of it. I cannot feel Shame for my talents, gifts, desires and visions. I deserve them, for it is a choice that is mine. It is a decision that comes from the soul. I do not want to become ungrounded through this evolution of self. Of success. The success that breeds envy, hatred and suffering. I fear being left alone with my abundance. Funny how I adore my alone time and at the end of the facade is the truth. I embrace being alone for I fear it. I have prepped myself for the security of being alone in this world. And alone, I shall be successful. A truth of my past, perhaps. An ancestral element? A part of me meant to transform and shed. That in this lifetime, my story is rewritten in love. With friendship, romance and stability. A Lord of the Rings ending. Not one of Game of Thrones. The need to build genuine alliance and build the resilience to thrive in the darkest of wars. All while coming out into the light of love. It is painfully difficult to attempt to express the duality of these experiences. How I can be powerful and powerless, rigid and flowing, special and generic simultaneously. The horrors forge you for the heavens. However, you have to wake up in order to enjoy them. The battle is forgetting that you are in hell and breathing into the “one truth” that you are in Heaven, here and now. Those who love me, should want my success. If they do not, they do not love me, and therefore they cannot harm me. I shall not fear the vulnerability of love. For there is nothing to fear in love. Only those who love you can harm you. And those who love you, would never dream of doing such harm. They will remain in a state of control. Of discipline. They will turn inward and inflict the harm towards themselves. A cataclysm of healing necessary for the uprooting of such a wound. I have spent a great deal learning what love is, and what it is not. I wonder if that is a part of my mission on this planet, in this life. Leading towards my Northern Star of Venus in this path. I am not sure. My heart yearns and my tongue yaps of such concepts. Tugging back and forth between love and fear. Hatred and Faith. 

Need to do less.