Addicted to Suffering

What Do You Do When Someone Is Addicted to Hurting Themselves?

I was asked this question underneath one of my tangents about fear mongering and the over protective parent energy. I quickly replied, “Sometimes, you may need to let them be so they can learn for themselves.”

It was a quick reply with a strong meaningful message, but also abrupt for someone who may have needed a deeper insight. It has been lingering in my mind since I read it.

It reminds me, of my myself at times, friends and family members who are addicts themselves. Addiction is dressed in many cloaks, but the root cause of it all is self sabotage out of fear. It is repeating a pattern that provides comfort out of familiarity. It is painful to watch.

The caring and empathetic heart and mind yearn for protection and assistance of this person. A good person who is true, only wants to help. However, we often find that the actions we follow with the best intentions always come at a price. Maybe the protection is the very enabling act that is harming the person. It can be hard to tell and lessons for all involved.

I found the more I pushed with my caring heart, the more I hurt myself and pushed the person involved deeper into their addiction. It is a frustrating conundrum. How can helping be hurting? My own understanding has been as such..

It is their lesson, their weight to carry. You don’t remove the weight by taking it on yourself. You take on the weight, they have free space for a moment, and then in a typical cycle fashion, they use that space to add even more weight to themselves. Which can create a sense of entitlement and expectation to be saved. People need to learn that they have to save themselves.

Support and guided protection and assistance is quite different from saving someone. It is important to ensure your secure and stable within yourself. Ensure you are unwavering, indestructible. Then provide the care and assistance you can TRULY offer, while meeting the person at their level. It is equivalent to the balance of parenting that can be applied in all circumstances. Whether for yourself, an elder, a youngling or a friend.

In each stage of parenting, along the lines of child development, the parent is required to lead the child in specific ways through each stage. This parenting adapts as the child grows, only providing what is necessary for the child to flourish. It is not meant for the parent to lose themselves in, nor is it designed for the parent to neglect. It can be tricky to balance and discern. Which is everyone’s challenge in life. Learning which is an act based in true heart center, or one that is reactive to fear.

Addicts cannot be saved, only supported. Setting boundaries does not mean you are abandoning them or the cause of their demise. They are the reason to their own suffering. I find it hard for others, including myself, to grasp this concept. Act in love, while standing firm in boundary for the good of the person as a soul; not for the greater good or to relieve your own pain in watching them suffer.

Virtue can be as egotistical as Greed. Walk the line with caution and grace. We all stumble when learning. Each obstacle brings forth a new lesson to be able to dance on the tight rope. Eventually you will find nothing can knock you off your own path, except you.