Zannah & Hel's Child

Tonight I am going to tell you the tale of Hel’s Child. The memorial candle that guided me through the soul journey of a lifetime. During the Great Tik Tok Bird War of Leo Season 2022, a beautiful woman by the name of Zannah contacted me. I never believed our stories would evolve the way they did. Zannah had reached out to me in support of the internet tyrants who did not understand my controversy.

I had been struggling within myself to fully express myself openly. Finding that inner confidence to put my feelings, thoughts and beliefs out into the world, was a battle of my entire life. I had been demonized for my tongue throughout my childhood. Whether it be against a family member, friend, acquaintance or mentor, it did not matter. When I let the mask fall, I was nothing more than a disappointment to the world. Constantly reprimanded for stating the truth as I saw it before my eyes. Punished for attempting to resolve the conflicts and right the injustices within the relationships on all scales I was witnessing. I began a self discovery journey. Fed up with the depression and pain I had been carrying. I sought to heal. To find myself and my true purpose.

Along this journey I found my calling to my candles. Facing my fears of further public shame, I carried on and presented myself with alignment in authentic truth. I personally had never felt better expressing myself with my candles, my philosophies and my practices. I loved my experiences and sharing them with others. I believed magick to be carefree and an independent story that nobody could judge, touch or control. It was beyond unsettling to understand the horrid treatment of people online when you disagree. My anarchist principles were twisted and regurgitated into slop that they never were meant to be viewed as. I couldn’t understand the stupidity within the world. How the fucking fuck could they not see what I was saying? How could they not see the pattern in control in every corner of our lives? How could these fellow witches, spiritual practitioners, animal activities and hippies of the world not fucking hear me? It angered me. I believed everything to be a lie. I became severely depressed through that experience and my disgust for how they attempted to paint me, to project their illusion, their pathetic insecurities, their idiocracy, their conformity to the falsehood corrupting this realm. To say I questioned myself, would be an understatement. To say I questioned the world more than ever before, would be an understatement.

Zannah had expressed such love and support for what I stood for and my personal journey in my intentions. She stated she was so moved by my essence, that she had been watching me for a while and after my bird fiasco, she knew even more within her heart to trust the intuition of engaging with me. She stated she had felt a calling for sometime as she had come across my videos. She stated she lurked in the background unsure why she felt called to a random young girl on the internet. We conversed though the direct messages and she inquired about a custom candle. She asked to make payments and she wanted me to cultivate the most precious of candles. She requested a custom candle to be a vessel for the ashes of her deceased daughter. Her daughter had died as an infant. She had carried this deep wound and grief for far too long and she entrusted that the goddess Hel guided her to me.

I agreed to create the candle. I was ready for the challenge. I had started to feel that I am a vessel myself. I am a portal the gods channel through to reach to the souls of this world. For lack of a better metaphor, I resemble the purpose of Christ. I am here to vocalize the word of the gods. I am here to utilize my power of love, voice, discernment and balance within human connection, within community. My life has been one long training up to this point. To learn how to build my interpersonal communication skills. To enhance my ability to relate to the soul within the person and bring out their truth, their heart, their light. However, questioning my purpose with the projections of arrogance, I was filled with fear. Zannah had requested and initiated me into a new level of my craft. Hel’s Child was a candle story for the healing journey of reuniting mother with daughter.

I had previously gone to the renaissance festival in Detroit the year before I met Zannah. I was called to this Hel Rune Bone piece an artist had crafted. I had never worked with Hel before. I was sensing a potential calling. However outside of the calling of the rune bone, I did not sense much more. I dressed as the goddess for Halloween, wearing the rune. I began a rune walk through the underworld that would lead me through the deepest wound I have held within my heart. My mother wound. It had then been a year since I purchased the rune bone. She had hung from my altar for months. Observing and gathering in energy. I have speculated if it was a test to see if I was truly the chosen one for the task, or if it was an easter egg, or even the potential of it being an eye portal for the underworld gods to connect with me where I had previous been blocked and shut out. I tend to trust in the last theory the most. The underworld gods are that of my friends, my mentors and my family. I have been blocked from them for years and the dam was built with the strongest of materials. A very determined energy placed those blockages within. Which can equally be the impactful power of trauma on the mind.

As I was saying, once Zannah had messaged me with her story of her daughter and her connection to the goddess Hel, I instantly understood the purpose of the rune bone. I knew it needed to be utilized in the candle vessel. Throughout the next few months, Zannah and I would engage in friendly conversation. Very organic and natural. It was irrational how comfortable I felt opening up to this stranger. She felt familiar. Even though, with her typo filled voice to text notes, I worried whether she was sane or if there was a language barrier or if I was being spammed and tricked. We have since laughed over that little inkling of worry out of protection for opening up to a new person, who lives states away.

Zannah had only requested I was fair in price and that I had her candle sent and ready by her daughter’s birthday. Her daughter, a Scorpio. I had been mentally and emotionally beaten down throughout the three-ish month waiting period between her initial inquiry and the candle deadline. You see for customs, I hand pick every item. With Zannah making payments to me, I was able to take my time and feel into every detail and find the most perfect vessel and toppings. This experience gave me the most trust within the divine timing of everything. I equally had to wait for Zannah to provide me with her ashes. Zannah requested the vessel hold her ashes with the candle spell on top to release and promote healing of this grief.

Once I received the ashes of her daughter, they rested upon my altar with the Hel rune wrapped around the bottle. The intensity of the protection I could feel amongst the ashes was empowering and chaotic. The dark forces, the forces of the underworld, the chaos from which we all were born is an extraordinary energy to interact with. I felt the dark pull and the tests of the realm. I fought the battles as Hercules descended to hell for his labors. I was able to prove myself worthy. To break free from my blockage and reunite with my soul family.

I had mentioned to Zannah briefly based off our astrological connections and the flow of our banter, I had felt like she was the soul mother, my ancestral mother, that I had been missing. According to certain philosophies, my birth mother is not my soul mother, she was another soul connection and in this lifetime we experienced each other as mother and daughter. I was meant to heal her and guide her. I was the daemon (angel) meant to answer her prayers. The cries of her heart. Both mother figures I adore dearly within their purpose for my own growth and human experience. My birth mother is a loving and beautiful Leo, who I only wish the most happiness and healing for, no matter how difficult or painful the journey may be.

I crafted Hel’s Child with an avon red glass base to hold her ashes. I placed inside the vessel healing, loving and peaceful herbs/flowers. I blessed the painful bind to be released. On top of the ash vessel, I placed a crystal bowl. Filled with dark blue grey wax. I was envisioning the passion of red. The deepness of blood when choosing the color for the vessel. When it came to the wax I desired to fill it with the color I felt when envisioning Hel, her aura, her tone, her aesthetic. I envision tonal colors with a matte filter. I laid the rune bone across the seem of the crystal bowl and the ash vessel. Utilize the dried sunflowers to represent the beginning of the death cycle. Sunflowers are a common flower during the fall harvest. Strongly associate with the birth month of Zannah’s daughter, the November Scorpio. Topped with a lapis lazuli owl stone.

Zannah had expressed such love and excitement for her candle she could not believe how perfect in alignment it was. It had taken a journey of time to full identify the depth within the candle. A good portion of the time, I don’t know the reason why I chose a particular scent, color, item etc etc when crafting the candle. I just KNOW each piece is vital for the entirety and integrity of the candle.

As Zannah and I continued to build a relationship she expressed deeper insights about her daughter. She had mentioned that she felt her daughter’s favorite color was red or blue. Her daughter never aged enough for her to verbalize that to her, but she stated she just knew within her gut. I mentioned my epiphany of excitement for how I happened to choose those colors for her daughter’s candle. Every new story Zannah shared with me about her daughter and her psychic connection, dreams, experiences etc with her daughter’s soul, the more details and connections were uncovered in the purpose behind the magick and the divine power puppeteering it all.

Zannah had lit her candle on her daughter’s birthday as intended without any issues. She compliment the energy, the power and the beauty within the candle. A few weeks/months had gone by and she had expressed concern in the candle not lighting. Now for all candles, I do like to emphasize that spell candles burn with magick, so there are messages in how they burn and any experiences with them should be interpreted as such. They are spell candles. However, that does not mean that I did not make a mistake and the candle may have a complication such as a bad wick, dye overwhelming the wick etc etc. Accidents and mistakes occur. So I always recommend problem solving conversations from a spiritual perspective as well as from a 3D plane or “science” like perspective. Zannah and I had came to the conclusion that there was a calling to turn inward and a reason for the candle not lighting. I provided her with a long list of options on what to do to continue working with the spell, how to fix the candle or for her to send it back for me to redo, free of charge. She expressed no need and she would mediate on it, and continue to see what she could do.

She eventually got to a point where she strongly felt the need for me to help fix the candle. She stated she really felt it was the set up of the base tiling and drowning the wick. Which could be very likely for a multitude of reasons. I expressed my apologies and hopes of fixing the candle to her standards. I had felt terrible. I have never had a candle respond this way and with wick care, or letting out some wax into some wax melt containers usually does the trick. I felt as if I had failed my spiritual challenge when crafting the candle. I was worried my own person chaos within my healing journey had ruined the candle. I had began to question myself yet again.

Zannah then stated she fixed the candle herself. She said it was not personal she just really felt like she needed to do something and she equally felt bad having to ask to send it back to be fixed. It was a great collaboration of understanding and trust. She expressed how stressed and difficult it was to fix the candle. She said, “I have no idea how you do this all the time and how flawlessly you make it look. That was hard as fuck and anyone who says they can do what you can do? Is insane.” It was a beautiful compliment because it truly is difficult to craft some of these vessels together. It takes a unique kind of engineering that goes against the laws of modern physics.

Through our conversation with the candle she fixed and found that she added her own herbs to the topping to refresh her candle and give some motherly love. The candle began to burn strong and brightly. I was excited we were able to come to a solution and conclusion. I continued to express my condolences for the trouble with the candle. She assured me that there was no issue and she knows there was a reason for the experience. I love her equal eye of finding the divinity and growth in all occurrences.

I began to become excited as I started channeling the story of this candle. I voiced to Zannah that she had to fix the candle herself. It never would’ve worked if she didn’t. To explain, Zannah felt weakened by her grief, held back by her pain from the loss of her daughter. She was unable to free herself, for herself. She reached out for help, which for her Leo energy, was significant and humbling for her. It took a huge leap of faith and lesson in trust to ship out the ashes of her daughter. Her ashes had previously been used against her from her abusive ex, the father of her deceased daughter. He would play keep away games with the ashes to emotionally torture Zannah. Zannah had been confronting a multitude of spiritual lessons, wounds and shadow workings. I expressed to her the entire six month cycle. She initiated this release around the Leo Season with the Aquarius full moon. Her daughter is a Scorpio, and we uncovered this entire story plot on the Scorpio last quarter release in Aquarius season. It was all tying together in the interwoven web of wyrd that is the universe. Zannah was able to reach out for help, put trust and faith with another person with a vulnerable piece of her heart and have the power of a daughter connection initiate the healing within the first light of the candle. Again, I never would’ve been able to fix the candle to complete the spell. I was chosen to initiate as the soul daughter to fill in the space of the wound with love. However, I could never fill that space unless Zannah released her own internal blockage within her ancestral line. With each moon phase was a layer of release within her subconscious trauma and healing. Each moon phase was a deeper initiation into her self discovery and soul’s destiny.

Through interacting with Zannah, we were able to mirror the dance of mother and daughter. She healing my mother wounds, and I healing her daughter wounds. The blockage separating our soul connection has been released and set to rest. We are able to move forward into our new timeline with gratitude for the lessons of the past and the messengers along the way. Every experience has a purpose. Who knows, maybe the purpose of the death to Zannah’s daughter was in order for spirit to guide her to her soul daughter. I have an inkling to that perspective of truth. For death is never the end, it is only the beginning. We all play a variety of roles with each avatar we wear. Or maybe the soul of her daughter was a minion of Hel who was sent to initiate her into this journey for her soul, as a daughter of the underworld. Or maybe these are the stories we tell ourselves to create the meaning in the absurdity. Either way, at the end of the tale, is a sense of peace and happiness within. A belief that fairtytales can exist. Which for me, gives me the faith to keep on imagining, to keep on dreaming, to continue to search for the answers to the mystery of this realm and our experience here.