Sarah's Candle Story: July 31st, 2023 Waxing Gibbous Capricorn-Full Moon Aquarius

From the beginning of this journey, I have had plenty of people ask me, how I got started within my craft. That is a question with the world’s longest answer. An answer that starts from the beginning of time himself and dies with the end of the world herself. My craft has been a never-ending work in progress. Each moment, lifetime and age adding a layer of evolution that is my greatness, my Godhood. Candles have always seemed to be before me. When I was asleep, when I was a child and lost within this realm. My grandmother always had her God candles lit any moment she needed to call upon the Lord. A lost magick, conditioned by the indoctrination of our Christian American Society. However, the power within the candles? A glimpse of insight, a nugget of the freedom that still lingered within. I have always enjoyed the candlelight. From my grandmother’s home to the Victorian presentations within the cinema. The flame has called to me, entrancing me with her dance. As I grew and gained responsibility, I always had them burning within my space. They bring me pure joy and peace. My favorite moments are when my candles are lit and I am free to be drift into my dreamiest of day dreams. During the Covid-19 lockdowns, I found myself lost overall. Unsure of what to do, as I was isolated within my apartment. In reflection, my candles and their magick, was a portal to destiny.

I had made candles a handful of times as a child. I had mostly purchased basic ones from common major retailers. As I continued to develop and mature, I began to learn shattering truths about all the ingredients within all products mass produced. I became more and more angry with the world and it’s cheap, falsehood. I started to buckle down on my holistic practices. Especially once I was living alone and on my own, in a state 2000 miles away from anyone I truly knew. This gave me the chance to learn, fail and explore exactly who I knew I was meant to be. By 2019, I was a fully developed, “outed” novice Witch. I knew practices in theory. In 2018, I experienced my first major tower moment. A moment, I had long escaped from being deeply conditioned by my upbringing. After my heart was ripped apart by the delusions of my past, I started actively practicing and believing in these principles with devout faith. I just knew they were more than just stories and myths. I could hear the whispers of the secrets within the texts. Calling out to me like a long lost daughter. Candle magick, was obviously my soul gifted beginning. I believe the candle magick to be a root element of my soul, of my essence. A magick so ancient and familiar. Not common, but Classic.

I began candle magick, continuing to purchase the beauties from others. I was simply too busy to create them myself, at this moment in time. The lock downs gave me time to sit and reflect. Becoming friends with the ghosts that haunted my soul. Fast forward to September of 2020, I was in a car accident. Supposed to be nearly, if not totally, fatal, but I escaped with simply a broken ankle. A surprise and relief to all who came to the scene. Chad, my now husband, then six week long boyfriend, took me under his care and allowed me the time I needed to recover. My OT career had begun to truly fade away that year. I fought the removal of the career, as I couldn’t rest into myself or my feminine. It became a 3 year cycle of healing, purging and renewing into my truest self. I was not evolving into someone new. I was returning back to who I have always been at my core. As my Matrix job, painfully and slowly died out, I found my candle crafting. Chad provided me with support to build a career of my dreams. My biggest dream is to be a World Classic Author/Poet/Writer. I had a box of old poems, left to collect dust. A past of written pains. A gift that I shelved due to lack of external appreciation. My voice had been silenced.

Chad has put in a significant amount of effort to rebuild my lost voice. As a vocal muse himself, he saw the pain of my silence. He felt the agony within my poetry. He danced with the figurative art that is my existence. My husband provided me the security to embrace the powerful creative muse within myself. However, as I put my writing out in the world for the first time in almost a decade, it was met with harsh criticism. Criticism of my darkness, of my depth and my pain. Re-wounded into the “freak” I tried to mask away from the world. Chad desperate to come to my rescue, willing to sacrifice everything for my happiness, began to do as Capricorns do best. He began reciting every creative idea I could start. Ideas of art and beauty that he saw within me. A light, I had long forgotten existed. Negative and nihilistic within my own pity party, none seemed to truly reignite the flame.

One day, daydreaming upon the couch. Feeling lazy, purposeless and truly worthless, I was doom scrolling through the Instagram explore page. I found witchy memes that filled the dissociative void. My altar lit every day with candles. I may not have had the energy or drive to do anything else with myself, but my candles always were ignited. I came across a meme of Rapunzel, from Tangled. The scene of which she is creating dip dry candles. The meme said something along the lines of being a candle obsessive. It was cute, funny and “totally me.” I sent the meme with my Aquarius giggle to Chad. Awaiting a cute response to stroke my Leo Moon. He responded, not with a cute expression, but a direct and necessary literalism that would kick start my world as I know it. This bitch ass Capricorn, replied to me with, “You don’t make your own candles.” A simple statement. One that triggered my authenticity. A statement that I had no idea why it wounded me so deeply. It was insulting and vile. I was angry. Out of spite, I ordered my first candle making kit. (Humorously enough, during Aquarius season of 2021). I’ll show that Capricorn motherfucker. I would say to myself.

I began to experiment with simple jars, glass or tin. Trying to find my aesthetic. I enjoyed pillar candles so much. I equally began to create those. Failing and learning over and over again. It had only been a week or two. I don’t tend to struggle with new tasks that often. As a “gifted” child, I developed a poor habit of quitting tasks I was not immediately perfect at, due to the pressures and trauma of that environment. I worked hard and when guided into a state of spite, I would not give up. However, I became spitefully driven throughout my entirety as well. I became frustrated with the craft. I also hated how I was doing a craft, and they all looked exactly like everyone else’s candles. I became angry with how ugly they felt and looked to me. Chad by this time, recommend I turn it into a side business so I could have extra income to supplement the healthcare chaos of uncertainty, to eventually be away from my OT job more, if not completely. I began my journey of brand development and social media interactions. Using each platform as a learning tool. I wanted to see what was out there, what I liked, what I hated and how I could do what I ultimately desire to do with everything action I take. I want to be different, I want to be fun and I want to change the world.

Chad and I began a journey of house hunting and evolving our living space to support the ventures we had been dreaming to build. Once we became settled into our house and I was able to have my candle room, I was able to really dive into my creative powers. It had been suggested, observed and experimented, to add herbs and crystals to my candles. Not only anointing them or lightly dressing them. But crafting something with maximal power, energy, and magick. All my spell workings, all my altars and ritualized meals, had all been extreme, over the top and maximalist as fuck. Why should my candles be any different? In fact, I had expressed my idea to a couple of friends, friends, who are no longer in my life, and they discouraged me from my creative expression due to safety reasonings. After further healing, it has been concluded that, they were jealous and hateful of their lack of creativeness. It took some courage and ultimately a large release of “fuck it and fuck you” energy to do what I ultimately desired to do, to begin with.

I had heard it all about my candle creating ideas. I have had many complain about the safety, the pricing and the aesthetic. I have had others express disdain for the fact that it is “just a candle” and “cannot be revolutionary or special.” I have had many copy cats and capitalist chasers attempt to dismantle my craft by demonizing my name, philosophy and authentic expression; only for them to steal my very distinct signature design for themselves. I have struggled with the battle of being a leader and inspiring others vs being battled for the title of Queen. At the end of the day, no one can steal what is divinely mine. Nobody can mimic that of which is not authentic. You can discern which is a cheap, mass produced, desperate attempt for money, fame and fascism; and that of which is a handmade, crafted creation of the soul from the foundation of dreams.

I have had to discover all of this for myself throughout my experience. I never would have been able to gain this wisdom, if I did not start from a Foolish place of curiosity. I urge everyone to chase their curiosities and follow their dreams. That step alone onto your path will uncover that of which is truly destined for you and that of which is not. To truly get started, you have to be able to sit with yourself in the silence of your pain, of your boredom. You have to listen to that spark of life that you can faintly hear from your childhood. Only then will you feel into the right moment to simply JUST DO IT. You cannot act from a place of false sin. You may be able to build a lovely tower from that sin. You may be able to get away with it for seemingly quite some time. However, the tides always churn. The Wheel will always Turn. Your Tower can only be destroyed by the unstable material that disintegrates within the watery depths of your soul. Follow inspiration. Allow the Spark to combust into a Wildfire. One that evolves the Earth into the Sun. Or suffer the destruction of an element untamed. Will you rise from the ashes into a beacon of truth? Or will you repeat the karmic cycle of lies?