My Dream for My Oldest Brother

I dream for the moment when I can ease his pain. For the day I express to him my understanding, my appreciation and my sorrow for his suffering. I have understood the depth my brother has given me to shield me and protect me, so I can live in my bubble. However, my brother was equally a child. A unique, fun and loving masculine. I saw his strength, his spite, his ambition and his rejection. My brother was bullied. Always bullied for standing in his truth and protecting the ones he loves. He was the punching bag for us all. He embraced so much trauma for the sake of his mother and his siblings. My brother an honorable knight with the armor of a crab. His soft heart did not deserve to be in that state of mind and yet he did so, almost selflessly.

And yet, to the unfortunate path of the Cancer; It generated a lot of resentment. It was hard to ignore his rage and resentment. His spite spilled out from his tongue and his fists. A child screaming to be equally protected and loved. In experience, I equally resented my brother, grasping to hold onto my silver linings, but turning my back to his blows. I became his punching bag. Or in so the world did. A man angry at god for being forced to commit to his duty, in sacrifice of himself. Rejection in society being a watery male only added salt to his wounds.

I find it to be such a shame the inability for others to see my brother as he is. He is very gentle and kind. He loves deeply and all he does, in his own way, is an act of that love and protection for his blood. I felt abandoned when he left to pursue himself. However, it was necessary for him to survive and for me to align with myself. I can reflect in appreciation of how our stories played out. My heart wishes for a world where he didn’t have to experience such turmoil. I dream for the day he can empowered-ly express his home-economics energy.

In imperfect ways, his current situations have been a dramatic push from god to align him with his most authentic self. He was a police officer prior to his illness. My mother and others ranted and raved over how in align with his dream he is now. They prided him on achieving his childhood dream. I supported his choices and his journey, despite my disagreement with it all. I always found my brother’s dream to be a chef or someone in the arts of comfort, human connection and love. Now as he is ill, he has become more along the lines of a stay at home father. In my opinion, this couldn’t be a more aligned dream for him. He has grown into being one of the best fathers I have ever seen. His beloved wife Ale, has been the godsend of his deepest prayers. A strong and noble Capricorn with a balanced Libra heart (moon).

I have found his lung cancer to be a Cancerian mirror to his heart and throat chakra blockages. As painful and sharp tongued as my brother can be, he hasn’t expressed himself to the fullest. Which for those who know him, is scary to think about. My brother has lived the role he felt he had to, because at the end of the day he only wants to ensure everyone is safe. I can see how the police role was very vital for his healing process. However, it equally enforced him to travel deeper down a path that I am not sure was truly meant for him to be a permeant residence of, but a seasonal journey to heal that inner masculine child who was pressured into “being the man of the house.” My brother saw too much at such a young age and did all he could to shield his younger siblings. His tumor had been growing for so long. I can only view it to be a slow process necessary to brutally shake his soul to the core. He finally has his dream life. I know he is fearful to lose it all.

I hold space for his fear as best as I can. While not so subtly hiding my annoyance with his skepticism to my spiritual and holistic approaches. All I do, I do out of love. I only wish for him to be healed and if that means throwing the kitchen sink at him, then so be it. He knows, I know he needs to be alive and thriving for his wife, for his kids, for the dream life he has finally gotten to taste and devotedly holds onto. I know he is going to be safe. My contract with the divine ensure he will be. His daughters, powerful essences that they are, need his love. Need his protection. As I had needed it as a child. The pride I have in his growth and his story is the most beautiful vision I could have for our ancestry. By the power of all I have in this world, I demand him to be protected as he experiences this physical manifestation of dis-ease. I demand to ensure his safety and security by my will, he will rise along with me.

In my dream, I have ascended to my highest time line. I have all the abundance in the world for myself to be stable, strong and indestructibly unwavering in my clouds. My tower reaches into the heavens, higher than the highest room in the tallest tower. My wealth will secure the lives of all I extend my love to. I will be able to express my love story to my brother and his wife. I will be able to cut them a check to re-stablize their tower on authentic grounds. More than enough for them to be able to build their tower as high as mine for themselves within their own power and dreams. In my dream, my nieces will not have to endure the pain of severe ancestral karma and thrive in their power to achieve their destiny in perfect divine timing.

My wish for them and for all is to live a life dreams are made of.