October 9th-10th, 2023- Waning Crescent Virgo

The last couple of days have been a roller coaster of emotions and forms of busyness. I powered through a good portion of candle stories from previous curations. A therapeutic and closing ritual of the beginning stages of this path. I feel as I wrote them all, I was able to conclude multiple cycles with a loving closure. I could see how they painted chapters within a grande portrait. I have grown significantly since starting this journey and embracing myself to her fullest. I can see how the bravado has subsided and the truest of confidences has arose. I can see where I am nervous and rusty. I can see where I am still a little weak and feeble. I can feel the misunderstandings and judgment of others. However, as I continue to be reminded by my beloved Saturnian energies, “FUCK EM.”

It is difficult for me to accept and fully embody such a philosophy. Many believe my tough exterior is simply that, an exterior. A false sense of armor. They are incorrect. I will burn any and every bridge that is necessary. I do not have a problem with the cutting off. I have a difficulty with the emotional aftermath. The clean up. I struggle with reinforcing that a bridge cannot be rebuilt. I tend to allow new bridges to be built with lessons learned. However, time and time again, a Trojan Horse crosses over. Bridges cannot be rebuilt any further. I have known this for some time. I have chosen to isolate to allow these newly enforced standards to integrate. To allow ease within myself. I can understand how those protective boundaries have been helpful and how they have been hurtful. Or how they are now outdated.

I have been stripped of all armor, shells and self importance. I have been captured to be set at the stake. I am ready to be burned. I have been stripped down to the most vulnerable states of being. As powerful as I have become, I have equally felt such weakness within. A law of polarity? A humanly truth? I am not sure. I am not weak with fear, but I am riddled with fear. I continue on, but I cannot deny that I am doing so, terrified for what is to come. The unknown is the most fearful of beasts. And yet, maybe this fear I sense, is not fear at all, but excitement. Excitement for all I know is to come. I can feel the power of my uprising. I can see into the beauty and glory of all to come. I can taste it.