October 7th, 2023- Waning Crescent Cancer to Leo

I have mixed feelings and interpretations on how today manifested. It was a little disappointing, in ways mundane and yet at the deepest, smallest of levels, it was empowering, healing and culminated. Being a last quarter moon, it tends to be a slight sigh of energetic cycle closures. However, with the Cancer moon fading into Leo, I prepared a star shining moment. I have been awaiting a final sigh. An experience of relief. Finally, my moment. I was able to identify the inner child and inner teen closures. I feel at peace with the wounds, behaviors and alignments of the past.

I spent the entire Saturday within a relaxed state. I awoke to write my Lunar Memoir and drink my coffee. My new, but soon to be typical routine. I see how a good portion of this last lunar cycle was designed in normalizing, solidifying my routine into my daily life. I have truly assessed in which the ways I operate the best. My inner balance. Now I await the final blessings and surprises that allow them to flourish. As best as I try, I cannot shake every ounce of fear. I still fear that I have been delusional this entire journey. There were a few emotionally triggering moments in conversation with my husband. However, they become smaller and smaller in expression each time they rise. I am not sure the human side of me will ever allow me to fully rest and release these worries and paranoias. I believe part of them to be permanent, scarred upon my psyche. This is not always bad. I have come to appreciate these questionings to be for my survival. It can be annoying to constantly question, and yet, it is within my very nature. The scars do not bind me, but they do remain. Now they heal to become a beauty mark. A trophy of my accomplishments along this journey. Experience and skill to continue to lead the battle of spiritual warfare. Today, was a minor panic of those wavering fears, as the events of the day became anti-climatic. However, my appearance was anything but.

Today I dressed with my most Victorian dress. A red corset style cocktail dress. I couldn’t help but align with the Love Witch, as my long black hair and sheer tights accented the matte red. I felt the closure in the expression of the outfit. I felt the closure in the interactions with astrological signs of my wounded past. I understood all of which these relationships represented within my energy field and spiritual path. I returned to face the public, a public I had been sheltered from since January, at the least. Friends and acquaintances of my life prior. Random mutuals from a twist of fate. I can only view them to represent tyrants or gentle obstacles along that path. My life in Michigan. A life that is coming to a much needed end. I have held such attachments to this land, as if I somehow was meant to stay. When I humbly have come to accept with the most love, that I will not be missed. Not until after I go.

I dream of a new life, a new chapter. One in which everything is perfectly aligned for my soul, for my purest expression. A life in the Old World, with Old Fashion and Modern Luxury. I dream of authentic friends, who not only understand, but even engage in practices such as mine. I realized how much I surrounded myself with props. This is not a criticism of others. I adore them all as they are. However, I feel I do not fit in, because I don’t. Which is liberating. Nothing is wrong with me. I am not awkward. I am simply in rooms I don’t belong. I can see how others love me being in these rooms. I can see how some absolutely detest it. I no longer care either way. The past and all it’s people, no longer matter as much as they used to. I only look forward to the beginning of this new life.