October 6th, 2023- Last Quarter Cancer

I have found myself fixating on a comment upon one of my videos. It is always the triggeriest of triggers to tell me how “unoriginal” I am. Not only do I despise lies, I also have an energetic need to be different. Not at all costs. But I know if I am following the crowd, I am off my path. That has been an indicator difficult to navigate and to honor. Not everything the crowd or the masses do is unnecessary. There are quite a few truths that all humans have to follow. I don’t mind being a stereotype when it is rooted in the roots of the content or subject. Stereotypes are not bad nor wrong. They show an average, a balance and a security. I enjoy pushing those boundaries. I enjoy assessing the why’s and the how’s behind myself. I am starving for self evolution every morning I awake, no matter how much I indulged myself the night before.

What upset me the most about the comment, was the fact that this person has followed me for a decent amount of time. I cannot recall just how long. But long enough to know that my art work has been years in the making and with disciplined effort to be original and of my own signature. I am filled with a villainous rage every time I am underestimated. I cannot understand why these fools view me with such a lack of seriousness. They misjudge me as someone who is incompetent, petty, insecure, naive, reckless and ditzy. Yet, I have more depth in the first sentence of my introduction than any other soul would have within pages of chapters of their books. This comparison is enough to drive me mad. I work at releasing these unsettling jolts to my system. Each time I bounce back stronger. But unfortunately, I am still human in this experience. I have to sit with and process all the sensitivities in which come my way. I wish for the day when I have the power to be seen as I am and heard for what I have to offer.

I have understood that I have been viewed to be a petty tyrant to most in the world. Many cannot stand a chance against me. In fact, I have never met anyone who truly has won one over on me, in the end. I have lost many battles, but the war always leans in my favor. I find all of these battles to be wasted energy. The lesson can be done without such exertion. Life can be much more simple. And yet, here we are. Analyzing why a stranger on the internet felt the need to speak so impurely and ignorantly. I understand she was uniformed about the CJ situation. Which is fine. She does not need to spend her existence following my entire life and all the stories that come with it. All she had to do was ask about the circumstances in regards to the hex candle. But she did not. Instead, she felt it her duty to humble me with a passive aggressive jab. With such disrespect, carefully worded to easily be dumbed down as I “react” to her insult. She can easily respond and tell me not to take it so personally. I am tired of the world believing they have some sense of courage when behind a screen. I doubt she would have said that to me in person. If we were to be engaged in conversation face to face, I confidently believe she would have only asked about the story and allowed me to explain, without the backhanded compliment. She may have had the courage to speak as insultingly as she did to me. In which case, she would have felt immediately why that was a mistake.

People do not care about how they speak to others. Some may say that I am one of those people. Every word is intentionally expressed with such care. If I say something, I mean it with all my heart. I will die for my convictions. Even if it is at the hand of a petty tyrant like the trolls of the internet. I often wonder how many people are willing to die by my hand for their own. Metaphorically, of course. It is silly to physically murder someone over a verbal altercation. No matter how extreme. And yet, with the pit pattering of my keyboard or the melody of my siren song, my words bring souls to their knees, if not their souls demise.

Each time I am faced with a dilemma as such, I find I evolve to be more intimidating than before. I realize why others are afraid of me. Why they feel the need to tear me down. I am an authentic light that reflects the inadequacies of others. They can either become ignited and inspired or they can burn. It has no longer become my problem. I used to try to save the burning souls. My virtues had not allowed me to watch such consequences. Offering chances after chance to be reborn amongst the ashes. No more. My kindness has been taken for weakness and it provides a false sense of confidence for maggots to compete. There is no competition to be won. Only endless, reckless war. The battle to peacefully rule my sovereignty will never cease to exist. It will continue to show up in mindless moments, with pathetic one liners and clap-backs. But as I have learned, petty tyrants are not to be wasted when seeking the ultimate. Each and every single one of you, only add to my strength, my power and my will. It has been understood at it’s very core, I live in a completely different world than the rest of you. I am no longer escaping, or hiding back into my bubble. My inner world is about to become the reality we all face. Your judgments are only fooling yourself. If you wish to die upon the hill of my adversaries, I welcome thee to the graveyard.