October 5th, 2023- Last Quarter Cancer

I struggled with the Last Quarter energy today. Nothing devastating occurred. I simply felt restless. I felt a need to do anything, anything at all. Bored and confined in doing something. Nothing seemed to be the right thing to do for the day. Attempting to force myself to be productive on a Last Quarter moon, on a Third Eye Thursday, on a day where I have scheduled myself to relax, rest, read, write, mediate and utilize to the best energetic ability. Yet, I was still fighting the need to be productive. This conditioning is intense to break. However, after finishing up my morning “work load,” I was able to drift into a bath, a book and eventually restful state.

I have felt maybe I have rested too much. Not one for being perceived as lazy. I have needed the rest, but I am at a point where it seems I rest more than I do. I have all the excuses and reasonings for it. Money circumstances, the draining weight of stress and waiting for this transformation, waiting for this change to finally just fucking manifest already. I don’t desire to go from 0 to 100. I do not want to go from this state of absolute minimalism and poverty to bombard with business that I become overwhelmed and deconditioned to handle it all. I am ready to be balanced in my busy and rest cycles. Not in such extreme states of burn out busy and restless antsy rest. I feel I have truly understood a routine I desire and I have learned a way to adapt when that routine cannot perfectly be honored. I know how to manage myself. However, I am being pushed into states of desperation that go against myself. I continue to redirect and fight. Noticing every time I start to change my plans in order to survive. I am ready for all desperate survival behaviors to leave me. I am ready to do what I know I am capable of doing with the power of my birthright.

The pain of mockery as the fool is reaching violent levels. If I truly am so powerful and destined for such great things, why do I not have the money necessary to do so? The world has seen what I am capable of doing under pressure and how powerful I can be with nothing before me. I am worthy of such power. Yet, not yet. I attempt to await patiently for it all to come together. I am not the most graceful at it. I do not see how this timing has taught me anything more than appreciation for when it comes. Which is not entirely true. I have learned a lot of lessons about my generous heart. I have learned an intense lesson on discernment. Unfortunately, the quality quantity is significantly low. I have learned about Petty Tyrants and how to utilize them instead of avoiding them. I have understood how particular to be with my energy and my presence. I have understood the most quality way for me to reach the masses. And yet, I feel stuck. All my knowledge and now I don’t know what to do with it.

I am growing weary of manifesting, of praying of desiring a career and routine that is just right for me. A source of income that allows me to live the life of my dreams, the life in order to evolve the new world. Joe Rogan has become such an influence. Jordan Peterson, Lex Friedman and Theo Von as well. I have listened to men who have figured out how to speak up, change the world and avoid assassination. These men are now at a stage of untouchability for the Top Ruling Petty Tyrants cannot allow them to become a martyr. It is the illusion of the Clown. A mirrored act that I have perfected throughout my life. I know more than anyone would believe I do. No matter how transparent I become.

I am a Master Ghost. A Black Belt of Detachment. I am Mystery herself. You can see through my waters and witness the beauty of all that resides within me. However, when you reach my depths, you may find yourself fearful of the monsters that are equally welcomed and nourished. You will feel conned. You will believe me to be a Siren who tricked you into sacrificing yourself for me. Or you will believe me to be a monster who lead you to your demise. Neither are true. You can sit on the ledge of the beach. Observe the beauty of my waves, cry over the colors that reflect upon my body and walk away. You can return as you need with an emphasis on respect. However, if you choose to swim, to ride on a craft or dive to the roots of my flooring; you will face your own superficialities, your limitations, your weaknesses and your ugly truths that you hide within. You will become lost in the haunted house of mirrors of all the false versions of yourself. The only way out of my watery web is to find and recognize your authentic self exactly as they are, and love them compassionately. A true gift of love I have bestowed upon you.

The masses do not believe my gift to be loving nor even a gift at all. They become resentful, jealous and wretched. They decide to fight against me. An impossible battle, but a battle nonetheless. A battle of which seeming unnecessary destructions brews for the sake of metamorphosis. You will grow, you will evolve, whether it is enjoyable or not. I will not allow you to drown. That is a result of your own doing. However, I have had to learn where my methods were not aligned with the right energy. I have to account for the blame I share. I have lost countless souls who dove before they were ready. A fault of mine, or a destined lesson of their own? I struggle to decide and each case generates a different conclusion. Either way, it is not for me to decide, not a weight I need to carry. Just another soul walking along my haunted ocean floors.

All of this metaphorically speaks upon the interactions I experience with the outside world. Water has been a powerful element of my workings this year. I have understood that energy to be a superpower and not a curse. The world is terrified of what they cannot understand. Many fear the Sea. However, many adore her. Many respect her and warn against her. It is not up to me to warn you about who I am. It is up to you to discern that for yourself. I am transparent and you know what I am from the beginning. It is not my fault that your results were unfavorable to you.

I conclude the regrets of my Voice. I release the reflection on whether I did the right thing or not. I do not care if it was “right” or if it was “wrong.” It was, what it was. It was necessary. Which is why I have decided to surrender to my mystery. I no longer share speaking videos to my social medias. I post my art, my writings, fun photos and memes. However, if you desire the privilege of hearing the powerful depth within my Siren Song, you will have to be worthy of my presence within the physical realm. Other wise, my written words are all you will have to go off of. This medium serves me best. It allows me the state of detachment to speak with confidence and adaptability. My writing provides a certain, desirable flow. After I have spent countless moments of being “cancelled” and misjudged… After I have spent hours reflecting upon the misrepresentation of others… I have concluded that the world is too immature and significantly low on the intelligence scale, as a whole. I am not arrogantly nor pretentiously projecting such a conclusion. I simply see it as a final understanding of the misalignment. I have viewed the world as my equal, when I am indeed your superior. I have not been a fair nor perfect mentor. I have not always presented myself with such stature. I am not sure how the world will learn from me. But I do know I am meant to lead the world into her truest of authenticities.