October 4th, 2023- Waning Gibbous Gemini
- Sarah O'Dell
- Oct 5, 2023
- 4 min read
I have been significantly pleased with all the insights and clarifications I have seemed to experience, uncover or that has been presented to me in a surprising fashion. My initial evaluation and “session” with this kiddo went amazingly. I was able to find a way for me to stay true to myself, provide the assistance needed and appropriately assess her needs and a “plan of care” moving forward. It was more of an education moment for mom. It was a very deeply rooted inner child healing closure for myself. This little girl, reminds me so much of me in ways I didn’t see before. I found out her favorite childhood stories are Junie B Jones. My absolute favorite growing up. I also discovered she has an interest in becoming a writer and has began writing short stories. It was amazing to see that she was not necessarily depressed. She was burned out, tired of life and wishing for some freedom of expression of her own. She is a very intelligent, observant little girl. She is the only one out of all the kids in the house who does not have a diagnosis of a significant childhood development delay. She is the “golden child” by certain standards. She does not need 2x a week of a therapy session to be forced upon her life and monitored as if there’s something wrong with her. The family simply needs to make adjustments for her to thrive as an individual. She understands why she doesn’t get as much attention. She understands that the boys truly need more attention and assistance in every way. She is not upset over the truth before her. She sees that despite its necessity, it is still unfair to her. She just wants to feel special and have moments of her own. She doesn’t want her light to be overshadowed. I could relate all too well.
It has been amazing to see the healing I could do with one visit, one educative phone call and establishing new routines within the home. I do not have to expend myself. I am able to create an availability within my schedule that not only works for me, but truly nourishes the child. She will now have encouragement to pursue herself. She will now have Auntie Sarah, not Therapist Sarah, who will read her short stories, provide her with positive criticism to advance her skill and give her the girl time to shine her soul needs. I felt so fulfilled and in control of my life. I equally proved to myself that my theories of a therapy schedule or healthcare can be done the way that I believe it to be. Majority of regulations are inhibiting. Each case is case by case specific. The system creates a revolving door of codependency. I was able to tell the family that I did not need execute a rigid plan. I could give a list of changes they are responsible for making and I opened the door of opportunity for mentorship, which is my personal favorite form of childhood leadership development.
While I was at the home, I brought the child gifts. I created her a care package. A girly self care gift bag. A candle from my curations, hair oil, balm, jewelry and a journal. I was able to be my witchy self and bring a smile on her face that has not been shown in a long time. Her mother is very caring and truly worries. There are so many factors that come to play in why they needed my guidance. But the best part was providing them with the strength to be the change for themselves. Breaking a healthcare cycle of dependency.
I felt amazing upon my return home. I excitedly shared my news with my love and created a voice note to recall for my written reflection. I feel more at peace than I ever have, despite the stresses that continue to linger. I feel such an intense change coming my way. It is so close. Closure than I ever believed it to be before. I was so in love with all of me.
I stared at myself in the mirror. Gawking at my hair and how long I have grown her to be. I have never had hair this long in my life. I always wanted it. I only cut my hair to begin with because I was tired of my mother not styling it every day. She would do braids and ponytails. I hated it. I wanted my hair down, curled and to the nines every day. I cut it to make her have to style it. Which didn’t work out. She then started making me comb my own hair but left me to teach myself how. A straightener was easy enough. It took years to learn a curing iron. I still cannot braid to save the life of me. But I finally grew out my hair. Ironically, she stays up most of the time. But that’s only until I learn these nifty braids, or have a personal stylist to do what I need. (LOL)

I adored my body. My body has gained and lost so much weight throughout the years. Doing so many different and amazing things. Transforming to make me love her. Only now, I truly do. I love her as she is, in her most naturally plain form. I am not overly active, but not necessarily dormant. I miss the activity of my past and the energy. But I honor the time I’ve needed to rest. My body naturally rests here at 115-120lbs. You can see how much better the weight fits my frame. I truly need to tone to shape certain areas up. As now, you can see the expression of malnutrition from stress and hardship. The weight herself, however perfection. I do not need to gain nor lose. I can eat as I need to for my body and I can exercise to fit my body. Not any other form of standard.
For the first time in my life, I truly feel at peace with who I am, where I am at and where I am going. I have the strong foundations to build myself in a healthy, balanced and blissful fashion. I do not need trend, clique, standard or conditioning to guide me. I lead me. And in doing so, I will lead the world.
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