October 1st, 2023- Full Phase/Waning Gibbous Taurus

I had a significantly insightful day. I could not stop writing. There were so many thoughts, theories, poems and philosophies that channeled into my Crown. I felt a few moments of intensity at the top of my head as I was chaotically trying to write down and keep up with the dialogue being presented to me. I can’t help but feel a deep sense of knowing. I do not enjoy the feeling. It presents itself as feeling arrogant, delusional, dreamy and fairly insane. I truly do feel as if there is something that I know, that I see, within this world that I am meant to share. I hate expressing that is is something that nobody else knows. I am sure I cannot be alone. However, when I begin to ask others for insights on such topics, theories, or thought experiments, others tend to only understand it all at a surface level; some to a degree of depth, but not as I know it to be. Even scholars I bombard with questions that create plot holes to their theories. Many tend to ignore me as well. I do not understand why I cannot be taken seriously as a scholar myself. Our system of for purchase education is truly a disgrace, a joke and an elitist attempt to divide the masses. I have plenty of theories as to why they require such a “price for knowledge.” Knowledge is never truly free. For wisdom is the gift of pain. Financial burden added to the stresses of attaining knowledge is a ploy of privilege.

I may have only been able to afford an associates degree at my community college. I may have had to work five jobs while taking 18 credit hours to achieve it. My badge of work ethic proudly bestowed upon my chest, has left the most bitter of scars. I release the burden of finances from inhibiting me to achieve my highest potential. However, just because I release myself of this conditioned burden, does not mean the world will follow suit, nor will they finally see me as an intellectual equal. It is no wonder I have related to Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. It is infuriating to see just how judgmental the world becomes when you radiate such beauty, fashion and artsy leisure in life. For some reason, the world believes you need to be brown, bland, serious, ugly, reserved and simply dull in every sense of yourself in order to be accepted as an intellectual. The clowns of the Hollywood media give the rest of us creatives a bad name. To be a Fool, a Jester, a Creative or a Colorful expression does not equate to stupidity. However, the media will direct you otherwise. I believe the world is misguided. It is not simply in America. America is her own animal. However, these watered down souls desperately selling their self respect for attention is everywhere. I have been there myself. Desperately trying to fit in. Desperately wishing to finally be human. How can you have free will, when you are brainwashed from the womb of this plane?

Question after question do I have for the World’s controlling superiors. How could they possibly believe this to be the best solution? Especially when a small town, dumb blonde, fashionista artist has found at least 5 other directions that would be significant better. I do not have the picture perfect plan. But I have the standard that should be set. But that requires too much work… That would mean that even the King is seen as an equal in comparison to a Peasant. We all have our roles. A natural hierarchical skillset will manifest. Certain roles are simply destined for certain souls. No job is more important than the other. I know I am not and have not been alone in this understanding. Many preach it to the masses. Many die trying to make a change. So, why do I feel such a sense of importance? Especially when the rules of the Qlipoth indicate a need to strip self of all self importance.

I am nobody and I am the one simultaneously. I believe I have the power within, but I am not special in that regard. As I truly do believe everyone has that power within themselves. And yet, I am meant to lead the way? I confuse myself on what that actually means and how I am meant to go about it. All other directions lead to death, failure and wasted side quests. And so I write. And so I create and engage. I simply live and express my thoughts ever so casually. I promote myself, however I do not force myself. Or at least I try not to force myself. I do sense a desperation to be within my destined role. A destined role, to me, does not negate hardship, however it does require stability. Stability with food, water, clothing and shelter. Tools to accomplish the job required of the role. It seems the powers of this realm do everything they can to destroy such stability. Ensuring none of the ants can surface from the abyss. I am conflicted between the sense of accomplishment I feel within my own personal work and how it is manifesting before me. You need to be maligned to realign, I suppose.

I realized the world does not take me seriously. I realized that how I know myself to be is not how others perceive me. I have understood that to be their own personal dilemma. Yet, it inhibits me from reaching the masses. I upset 1000 people for every 1 person I uplift. The truth of the knowledge within my soul has been depraved for so long… The world no longer believes it to be true. I am deemed a facade. So I work harder to achieve my innocence. And yet, the death sentence cannot, will not be appealed. There is nothing to be overturned. I find it silly that I could be of such a threat to the status quo. Which redirects me to my accountability along my path. I have allowed the world to underestimate me, for I have underestimated myself.

I am not a novice awaiting mastery. I am not a “baby witch” seeking skill. It would appear more so as being lead by a blind intuition. As a Master incarnated with total amnesia of it all. I have misrepresented myself with a mask of ditz. It is quite a trick. A subconscious programming of protection, as well as a very ancient practice of detachment. The world simply is not in on my joke. Very few will see beneath the cracks and I have discovered it has been my own doing all along. I stay safe when I play dumb. I trick the world by dressing in rags to see how they will judge me. Only to reveal my gown of gold when they cast their deeds onto me. I am the God that curses the Kings into Beasts, the Queens into hags. The scale that judges the weight of thy heart. I can no longer carry the projected weight of the hearts of the wicked. I cannot save anyone. I am not here to be a savior. I am here to Judge, to Sentence and to Evolve my Godlihood with the humility behind each individual story. I am here to listen to the voiceless. To turn the Wheel. To restore the balance of our World Interrupted.