May 3rd 2023- Waxing Gibbous Libra

As this eclipse pulls in and the full moon release of Scorpio arises, as I let go of my old depressed, masked self. I have felt into a true desire. A sense of luck and abundance exactly where I am at. I will no longer sacrifice myself or another to achieve wealth. That is the path of a hamster wheel they condition you to believe is the way. It is another form of war machine against the people, against myself and of the corruption of this world. I cannot let go the “paranoia” or insight that there is some serious fuckery and high jacking of the consciousness of the people. It is hard not to see some form of war, as I utilized in pop culture before, like in Star Wars. I do not believe in the binary. So how can I equally sense this battle? Ultimately it can be due to the understanding that we are all just doing our best at the end of the day. We will choose to make horrendous sacrifices and initiate in harmful behaviors under the belief that it is some how necessary? Understanding why it is necessary is the first door to unlocking your freedom. As I realized my justifications always started with the explanation of following what someone else told me. Only until I let go of that control over me, will anyone be truly free. Understanding that is what it means to surrender with the simple mantra of, “who says?” A principal of sacrifice to follow a path of my will with devotion to never waver. To die upon the hill. A sensation I feel so strongly and yet I am equally fearful of the disruption of the life I sacrificed so much to make. A conundrum and a hypocrisy.

I find myself at a crossroads. However, ultimately the goal and the fight is for a life to call my own within my morale, my truth, my authentic expression. I dream and fantasize about all the luxury in the world. It is my dream, why wouldn’t I wish for the most perfect ideal manifesto to occur? I do not deny materialism or the pampering of the elite. I do not reject my desire for such comforts, however they would not present themselves in the same manner. That is the difference. I want to be and accomplish all that you see within the most elite, however it will be done in a fashion unlike anyone has ever seen. A true expression of purity in heart. A double edge sword. The fine tightrope line of the Yin and the Yang. The balance of the forces. The honor to serve the most ethical interest of yourself to mirror that for all. The life I desire, I desire for all to achieve within their own self expression that does not interfere or hinder the expression of another. A life of awareness of the energetic ripple our actions ignite.

I tire of pressure of money and capitalistic gain that has no purpose. I hate the idea of working in a field that is broken, a field that is a facade, a lie. I hate the idea of pouring my heart into anything that ultimately does not serve me and my interests. Which are very selfish and focused on pampering myself in every way. Mind, body and spirit. I do not want to work to make anyone else more successful when it is not an equal energy exchange. Too many corporations and jobs hire you to keep you small, not grow with you. They give you pennies on the dollar to keep you coming back. They never allow you the amount to free yourself. They bind you. I refuse to participate and yet I have found I have participated over and over again. I beg and plea to the gods above to give me the luck, the gift of financial freedom to pour into myself and ultimately give me the perfect empire to raise a beautiful child. Lately, my heart has been pouring out the need for a baby. Not only for myself, to heal the mother wound I have sought in so many external sources. I find it such fitting alignment with the last quarter of this cycle to be around Mother’s Day. I want to have a child for my husband, the love that will bring for him, the healing. I have seen that healing in my brothers as they have become fathers. I have always respected parenthood. My blockage and insecurity was that I was not worthy of it, so I ran away from that purpose. To be a divine mother feminine. To show the world and lead by example what it means. To heal my lineage of karmic mother experiences. To answer the prayers that we are easy to love and raise as we are, not as we are told to be by any other external force. I truly desire a son, but as I heal, I have realized that I would be so blessed to also have a daughter. A dream of an older brother and baby sister dynamic swoons my soul. I cry as I type this envisioning the life with two beautiful souls and a loving spouse. Changing the world by ensuring the old traditions, morals, ethics and wisdom I have possessed through my lifetimes of witchery carry onward. I am to lead the world into the new world. I realize now that I may not experience it for myself fully. My job this apocalypse is to build the foundation. As a Capricorn-Aquarius double stellium, I cannot see how this doesn’t fully align and make reasonable sense in understanding myself.

I laugh to myself as I realize the Avatar Last Air Bender and Legend of Korra meaning in my life as a mirror. I can’t help but feel a sense of “bringing back my people.” Not only through reproduction but through leadership. A mixture of Aang and Korra? Or Potentially the lifetime after? The first of the new age cycle? There’s a strong sense of connection to that metaphor within my soul and passion for the world and my life. However, I seek an era of peace to achieve it. Which is where Cleopatra comes back to mind. A warrior goddess/empress. I know others read or listen to my words and find me to be a narcissist or psychotic in spiritual psychosis. I hate defending myself because I am aware that it is not always meant to be taken literal. But my Pisces nature does not allow for anything other than the dreamiest of romance. Edgar Allen Poe, Marilyn Manson.. just two of my favorite examples of fellow Pisces Venus expressions. I align with their philosophies deeply and have an unwavering connection to those parts of myself. Probably a decent reasoning I connect to pop culture. It reminds me of a line from Marina, “TV taught me how to feel.” Its truly sad to me how deeply I resonate to that dissociation from the real feelings within a grounded present interaction. But there is equally a beauty in that as well for it is life imitation of art. It romanticizes the mundane and allows for the most creative archetypes to walk the earth. It gives reason to choose your free will to become a living myth.