June 27th-28th, 2023- First Quarter Phase Scorpio

The anger I have experienced within myself, has been annoying, terrifying,

unnecessary, intense, powerful, passionate and demanding. I have felt, what seems to me, to be the most significant betrayal, disruption of trust and questioning of my experiences. I have never lost sight of the potential that all of this occultic study, experimentation and practice would not come to fruition. It pains me. It feels as if that feeling, experience and conclusion goes against myself. And yet, with this one significantly dire request, demand, divine right, blessing, etc being promised and yet held over as a toy? The trickster god cannot possibly believe there to be a loophole or justice to his actions. To this withholding. To this oppression. If I am arrogant? If I am wrong, show me how. Stand before me with direct courage and face me, Lord O Satan, scorned before my light. I do not accept defeat. I only redirect the pawns within my play. For I, blood of the Light Bringer, command to bend thy knee before me. Bow thy head and kiss thy feet. For if my demands are not met before the fullest of moons.. may the sorrow of my pain have mercy upon you all. For my spite has lost all strength to shine externally for you. To give you all a show. I will turn thy cheek of darkness, sit back and laugh.

I no longer wish to be a Mary Shelley, an Edgar Allen Poe, writing characters to project the truth behind the masks I bear every day. I seek transparent authenticity to live my life as the character I am at the depth of my soul, with the purest of hearts, as truest of vulnerabilities. I am as you see that I am. The clearest of crystals, the purest of waters and the brightest of lights. My heart is rested on my sleeve. Life is meant to be felt and experienced. Do not rob yourself the beauty of such blessing. A lesson you may fear in the lens of Lord Pin Head. The ultimate suffering, the gift of Godhood. The torture of knowledge. The sorrow of truth.

I could not disguise my disappointment nor my anger in my life and the hopeless chains that seem to have bound me. I attempt to achieve the balance of pragmatic and of mystic. I am easily lost in the dreamy waters of the metaphysical worlds, dimensions and perspectives. I do, always however, have an anchor. Which loops me back around. I am aware that none of this is real in the literal sense. That there is magick shattering truth that you accept the cards you’re dealt, and do not waste energy dreaming on opportunity to present. Dreaming of the dream. Working on the dream, somehow seems to not be enough. Awaiting the promised gift, I became upset with the attack on my livelihood. As my friend Carissa stated, you had a tase of the life you dreamed of, and now you feel robbed of it. I could not deny that truth. She followed up by stating, unfortunately, maybe it is not the right time. I can only accept that minimally. I analyze and reflect. I tear apart looking for the next move. Only to be conclude there is nothing left to be done. Either the grandest gesture of surprise is to hit me in my face, just as I was surprised with colliding with my lover; or I have to accept the truth that is within Nihilism. My greatest failure.

Only continuing on will tell which is true. I have expressed my commands to the void. Allowed my ripples to be heard through every avenue, every alley, every tiniest of spacing within this field of experience, connection and most purest form of middle ground. I yelled out with every fiery fiber of my heart. I casted out an ultimatum to the gods. I unapologetically allowed them to experience my wrath, the rage they invoked within me with their mindless games. Their arrogant plays at my expense. My promise of destruction for any foolery conspired against me, is not empty, is not a bluff. It is as if all the "theys" in the world do not believe I will uphold such a threat. I will not prove my resilience any further. I will remove myself, my light from this world.. once again. I left the world to burn when my gifts were taken advantage of the first time. Do not be pathetic enough to believe I wouldn’t do it again. I can find bliss in the misery of the Matrix. I can detach and follow along. If you want me to achieve my highest purpose? The environment and stability are commanded to the dreamiest of dreams. The most peaceful of peaces and radiance of bliss.

I dream of joyous interactions within living as the art that I am. I dream of expressing healing through creative endeavors and genuine interaction of self fulfillment. I desire to adventure, culture and learn with the freedom to not only experience it, but to feel into the depth behind every intense expression of that experience. I want to live. I want the freedom to live and do as I please. I do not desire any enslavement to any form of employment outside of myself. I dream a dream of a life of luxury pouring into my heart and overflowing into the ground. I will nourish the Earth with my extension of my waters. I will connect to and make love with the spirits around me. It’s the best possible way to describe the process behind my every intentful move. Every property to the candle is designed with purpose just as each soul is equally uniquely created. It’s a creation story through the magickal elemental alchemies. A candle art that essentially has all 4 elements, or truthfully, 5 elements; as the spell creates the element of spirit within the curation. Every object that is manifested within this plane, is a creation, with a form of life. I desire to live a life of creation. One area of this, my first focused passion project, my spell candles. They all have personalities and expression and times of use and of rest. Life, death and rebirth. It’s a mirror and a dance. Very special for everyone and anyone to experience through my gift of looking glass. I wish for the freedom to expand that artistic alchemy into other desires of mine. I demand the removal of oppression. I command to receive my Crown.