July 22nd, 2023- Crescent Moon Virgo- Finale Day of Cancer Sun

I am proud to state my survival of this Cancer Cycle. A cycle of polarity, balance, and depth. A cycle of wrath, depression, bliss and love. There was not a shadow left, nor a crevice that was not reached. I connected to my emotions with transparency. With true vulnerability, grace and confidence. I have an even deeper understanding of myself and my self evolution. The standard I radiate. The class I require to be within my presence. The purpose I have been destined to provide. I, not only seek an inner sense of Justice for myself, but for the world around me. I dream of all the riches in the world to be able to reach as many people as possible; I do not dream to become rich from reaching as many people as possible. I desire the highest amount of quantity I can receive eqyivekant to the quality standard I demand. I am content whether that standard is only achieved by myself and I am pleased when that standard is met by others. I truly do not care the scale. I understand, no matter how small an impact, it leaves an imprint of potential. Potential that generates momentum? Can become a phenomenon! You may call me conceited, you may spit at my superior complexity or chess like deception. I am only seen at the depth of which you see yourself. Aware and accepting of the chaos Fortuna tactfully provides. I will not, and cannot lower that standard to reach anyone. Not at the expense of myself. A sense of self so pure, it shall be the beacon of light to guide others to truth, to Justice.

I reached this conclusion when coming across another emotional challenge amongst my path. Another healing experience at a newer depth. Another test of the gods. A test of self mastery. Beings of my past, people I truly never wished to cross with again, recycled through my way. These two, a married couple, are unsettling. They are creepy to be direct. Creepy within the predatory direction. The husband, 50+ yrs old, is significantly older than the wife. The wife is younger than I. I am on my 27th year. Originally met at an art showing hosted through a mutual community’s event. I enjoyed a portrait painted by the wife in this tale. I placed a downpayment and agreed to pick up the piece with full payment in a few weeks. The husband had made a few remarks towards me at the time. Which I, regrettably, ignored. Passing them off as innocent jokes, compliments and/or any of the above. Ignoring or detaching from the ick I felt inside.

When the time arrived for me to retrieve my purchased painting, I arrived at their store. The husband, he was completing a crystal reading for another customer. As the interaction evolved, I became interested. I was new to actually practicing witchcraft vs simply reading it within mythology. I had been focusing on astrology and more psychological bases of magick. I had yet to truly engage with crystals outside of my birthstone. The curiosity struck me to have a crystal reading done for myself. An experience I will never forget. I ended up in tears during the reading over the emotional impact. I began to question my judgments of this couple. The husband offered his number to me. He offered friendship and mentorship on witchcraft. Another red flag, that I had given the benefit of the doubt. I was eager to learn, to evolve and to heal. The husband could see my neediness, my child like expression and my immaturity. He fed off of it. A habitual manipulating behavior this man would demonstrate time and time again. He did not educate me on witchcraft principles or techniques. He was significantly wishy washy every time I attempted to reach out on the subject. He had one focus. He asked me for a threesome with his wife. He complimented me and stated his wife had a crush on me, and so did he. I declined. Flattered by the offer, but not for me. I was originally single the first moment he asked. In fact, to add detail, at my crystal reading he told me the reading suggested me to “not date at all and stay away from men, not to have sex with them. Stay single.” Of course to add, “except friends who are here to help you.” Naive then, to his intentions at face value, on alert within my wall break. Halted by the programming to please and not cause a ruckus with my "delusional" insight.

After the rejection of the threesome, I created distance from the couple. I, eventually, could see the writing on the wall. Their truth was reflecting brightly on their faces. It was a short period of harassment to continue to push for the threesome. Sending photos and continuing to send passive aggressive lures. I truly believe that, Covid beginning and the lockdowns starting, to be a saving grace in adding to the distance between myself and this couple. A couple who was very active in the same community as I. Not one for causing unnecessary drama, I kept the story to myself and removed myself. I did not want to be judged for the situation. I felt it wouldn’t be heard. I felt I was being “too sensitive” and I blamed myself for how it manifested. I blamed myself for not shutting it down sooner. A wounding from my previous assault experiences. Once time had passed, it was believed to be truly over and done with. Left to be another weird moment in my life to wonder what the fuck.

Fast forward to Cancer season 2023. This entire 2023, I have felt as if I have been reliving those 2020 moments in a weirdly chaotic fashion. I have been reliving past traumas to retest myself in doing what I was needed to do the first time. To stand my ground. To be the Scepter that wields my sweet vengeance. To right the wrongs that had been done to me. Another what the fuck god moment arises to weigh my truth or my bluff. To assess my courage to stand up for me under all circumstances.. This couple becomes a surprise guest at the store front of which I sell my candles. They are wishing to open up a business engagement, agreement and/or partnership with CJ. I instantly told Chibbs my disdain for this couple and expressed my story. I have reached a beautiful point within my life in where I will voice any story I need, to voice, to serve the Justice I seek. I am my own weapon of vengeance. A genuine innocence of righteousness.

Redirecting, I allow the meeting to continue, or I allow myself to be a part of the meeting. I am open, understanding and aware they could have changed. They could have grown. It could have been a misunderstanding. I could have been too sensitive and took it too personal because of my past experiences and immaturity. I was open to being proven wrong. The entire interaction within the meeting was uncomfortable. I do not wish to repeat details of quotes that were spoken to me. This couple and their plans, felt vile, manipulating and just as gross as my experience with them before. I could not and did not trust them. I would not quiet myself this time. I will never quiet myself nor my intuition ever again. I inform Chibbs on this matter once the experience has concluded.

A few days later, potentially a week later, they are back within my presence again at the store front. They are there to meet with CJ. It is not my store, she is allowed to hear out any offers that come her way. She was not there a few days prior. I will sit like a fly on the wall. CJ prides herself on being Mama Bear and taking care of everyone. I trusted she would see them as they were. I knew she was aware of the details of this couple. After their meeting, the couple boasts about their excitement of networking out a deal. I believed them to be lying, manipulating for their agenda. It was assured they would not be coming in. CJ had texted me twice to assure me they would not be. Ultimately, it is not my decision nor should I have any influence on what choices CJ is to make for her own business. I told her not to base this decision based off of my discomfort. I told her I would handle myself accordingly. I spoke my peace about how I felt. She could take it for what it was worth and conclude to the choice she desired to make. She assured me after all that I said, they were not coming into the store. I have the texted messages on my screen before me. I reread the conversation multiple times in shock over the lies presented to me. I believed CJ’s words to me, “My family and baby girl come first.” A refreshing assurance. I took them with love and trust as her “baby girl.” A comfort I desired as I have a difficulty trusting others. Especially mother figures. I did not label CJ a mother figure. She bestowed that title upon me and everyone herself. It is simply who she is. I tip toed around her title. Aware of the lessons from all the others I encountered before. Zannah, Rebecca and the root, my birth mother. The store and her people were becoming family to me the more I opened myself up to them. I found a delightful friendship with Chibbs and Ms P. My lovely Gemini at the Doughnut Shop. I had dreams of kingdoms to grant upon my family. I was struggling to understand where the blockage in my magick had been and why the foundation was not flourishing. The cryptic messages delivered to ne through the magick mushroom realm.. was directly, literally voiced and envisioned as “Evil Queen” “Evil Step Mother” “One last attachment that does not deserve your generous heart.” I was aware of the potential of CJ from the moment I met her to be Mama Bear. I could see the spiritual plan mapped before me. However, I believed, naively wished, this Tower moment to be one of fairytale reunion, one with the true mother. Not necessarily the death of the final Evil Queen against my Princesshood. I thought I was done with that lesson. Apparently, the Cancer depth assured every droplet of that wound was healed and sealed.

Approximately one week later, I receive a phone call from a friend to inform me that, it is all over Facebook of the union between CJ and this couple at the store. CJ did not call or inform me in any way that she changed her mind. I felt betrayed. A deep betrayal, but a familiar one. One that no longer could phase me. One I knew to be cutthroat through. I felt deceived and severely disrespected. A low standard. A breakage of trust. Another lashing of the mother figure wounding. I was hurt to have heard the story from a third party more than any of the other details to this event. I knew then and there, I needed to remove my candles from her shop as long as she was associated with that couple. My friend, a mutual community member, had informed me of more details about this couple. They called me to warn me about them. To have me warn CJ. They were unaware of my story with this couple. I expressed my story from three years ago and the sense of urgency, fear, cringe and discomfort I felt for this grouping. I was met with even worse stories about this couple. Stories of grooming, stories of underage girls and the most disgusting of predatory behaviors. I had been right, the Covid Lockdowns did save me from a potentially worse situation with this couple. My friend informed me that this couple has been exiled from the community for their growing predatory behaviors. They expressed to me, they would no longer send people to the store for being associated with this couple. I understood, ended the conversation respectfully and headed my way down to CJ’s store to talk with her face to face on this issue.

I drove 45 minutes down to the store front. My intentions to talk with CJ the situation and pull my candles from her store as long as she was in business with this couple. I was open to a potential return, if the couple was to be escorted out.. I was going to inform her on the other accusations against the couple as well and urge a change of heart. CJ was not at the store. The couple was at the store with their booth already set up. Chibbs was there running the show. I inform Chibbs on the situation and my feelings on the subject. I sent a text to CJ to inform her I came down, intended to talk with her and pull my merchandise. I requested this, to not be handled over the phone and to simply send me a date we could meet to discuss this face to face. I wished to show her that respect. However, I was not going to leave my products there and await this second encounter. These are my products and under the circumstances, I have every right to repossess them to my home. CJ did not respect the direct communication provided to her. Her only worry was about my owing her rent. Rent of which I did not owe her.

To elaborate, I paid CJ my rent fee on February 23rd, 2023. This was to cover Feb 23rd-March 23rd. Rent was due March 23rd to cover the next month. I was established to go month to month. I pulled my candles out July 20th, at the end of my month and I was there to inform her I would not be renewing another month. I requested the remaining sales revenue that I was owed and I would leave peacefully with no malicious intent or feelings. I did not respond to her message about rent. I instead, called Chibbs, informed him and asked if he would be able to explain the circumstances to her and again, I hoped to plan a second trip to meet her when she informed me of a date. She continue to message me about the rent I owed her, about her withholding my sales revenue and how she wished I would’ve let her know I was coming ahead of time. She was obviously upset. She was passive aggressive and fake about how she truly felt. I could see through it in her messages. Her word choice, her contradictions, her dog whistles digs.

If it is one aspect of the “Love and Light” “Blessed Be” witches, that I absolutely despise the most, is the fact that they believe they are good, or better individuals for stating “I wish you the best and no hard feelings.” But then, when it comes down to having any actual sense of class or principle? They stab you in the back and demonstrate the most vile of deadly sin behaviors. This is where the fraudulent expressions present. CJ would not give me the money she owed me. She stated because I “owed her rent” that she was “calling that even” for “leaving her hanging on rent.” This is horrible treatment of vendors as a business owner. This shows a lack of integrity, moral, ethics and any sense of community. This is an example of the corruption of greed, of competitive capitalism. The only justification for not ensuring a balanced and clean exit under the circumstances, demonstrates a lack of moral character I will not tolerate. It equally expresses a desire to “get back” at the person by any harmful means necessary, for simply establishing boundaries in a sense of safety and personal comfort. A human decency that should be rewarded. I personally found this behavior to be more offensive and disgusting, especially due to the fact that CJ herself is a sex trafficking and domestic violence survivor herself. My entire vision of who she is or who she pretended to be, has been shattered. And ultimately, even with an intervention of conflict resolution, we could express closure, but the bridge has been burned eternally.

When I expressed my assessment of greed, imbalance, unfairness and simply a wrong approach to a peaceful resolution, CJ became upset. A tell tale sign that she was displeased with her own truth when reflected before her. CJ is not a business woman. A talented and lovely herbalist and dandelion oil specialist. But not an organized, focused, disciplined business woman. To her defense, she is truly busy taking care of everyone else. As someone who has equally been in that phase of my life, I feel empathy for her and truly wish her enough self love to choose her first instead. I have made excuses and provided support for her through this journey, but ultimately, this is more than a learning curve. This is a festering sore of character that will only result in her own demise. A demise by her own hand. A demise of an inevitable cycle repetition to invoke enough discomfort to finally manifest change. CJ was unable to hear, listen and understand the love, honor, respect and peace I was offering to her. Unable to accept a lesson being spoken by multiple tongues of love. She declined such an offer and instead has decided to underestimate and undermine me and others within her corner. That of which, I do not tolerate.

This entire story, a tale of the Mother Wound. A tale of my Inner Child Healing. I did not see the sunken teeth of yet another codependent mother figure digging into my flesh. A mother figure of Empress status, should not and would not allow such disrespect, competition and danger to enter the field of her family. A standard I place upon any parental figure and truthfully any protective figure within your energy field. The world is lost, for the elders are just as infantile as the youth. The ultimate expression of my pain throughout this situation would reside in the fact that, I am yet to be 30. I have been the mature adult figure in my life since I was that of a young age. CJ is a 40-50 year old woman. An elder madam who claims to be the Mama Bear. A maiden of my stature should not be the standard of quality and reason. I should be learning a higher level of class from the elders before me. Not teaching the elders the standard of how to be, who they know they should be at heart. I feel for the wounded woman that rests deep within CJ. For only a wounded animal would react with such bite to a hand trying to guide her. As for my own inner child? She is proud and she is standing tall. I am pleased to have stood up not only for myself, but for others. To be an example to follow the heart of Justice. To choose the path of Integrity no matter the Destruction of the Ripple. To walk with Confidence, Honor and Volition. To be the Beacon of Freedom against the Villainous Chains of any adversarial force.